The Night Before Surgery

 The night before surgery is probably the worst night ever. It’s like Christmas Eve, except instead of excitement, it’s anxiety that fills your stomach.

I can never sleep. Every possible scenario floods my mind as I toss and turn, begging my brain to rest.

This time, it’s hitting me harder. Peanut doesn’t really understand what’s coming. We spent today having fun, trying to keep things light and normal, but tomorrow we’ll walk him down that long hallway and hand him over to the surgical team.

He’ll wake up in pain, swollen and confused, and I can’t explain why. I know it’s necessary, but knowing that doesn’t make it easier.

I don’t know why God allows little babies to endure so much. I spend the night pleading for understanding, wondering if I ever will.

The night before surgery is the worst night. But as I watch him sleep, I’m reminded how brave he is, and how steady God’s hand has been through it all. Tomorrow will bring hard moments, but it will also bring healing. And tonight, that’s enough.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Welcome Message

Image
Welcome to my little corner of the internet!   Hi, I’m McKaela! I’m so glad you’re here, whether you’re family, a friend, or someone who simply stumbled upon this space. This blog is where I share my raw, unfiltered thoughts and feelings as we navigate our journey with a cleft baby. It’s a place where I hope to connect, inform, and maybe even inspire those who are walking a similar path—or simply want to learn more about it.   You might notice I refer to my baby as "Peanut" throughout my posts. Before we knew his gender or shared the news with others, we called him Peanut—a sweet, simple nickname that stuck and carries so much love and meaning for us.   This blog is deeply personal, and every word comes straight from my heart. Thank you for taking the time to read, support, and walk this road with us. I hope you find connection, understanding, and maybe even a little hope here.   Welcome to Peanut’s story and our journey! 
Read more

Hearing Loss

Did you know that most babies with a cleft palate struggle with hearing loss? The hole in the palate allows fluid to ebb and flow in and out of the ear, causing them to hear muffled sounds. That’s something I didn’t know could happen because of a cleft. It’s so interesting how a cleft diagnosis can affect so much—who would have thought it could lead to hearing loss? I’m sure somebody knew that, but I sure didn’t.   Peanut will have tubes placed in his ears at four months to help clear the fluid and, hopefully, improve his hearing. It’s strange to think that he may not have truly heard me talk, or that all the times we’ve been loud to help him adjust to sounds could have been for nothing. But at the same time, he could be hearing us—he could be responding to our voices, not just our movements and expressions. There’s just no real way to know. It’s mind-blowing.   This realization has really changed the way I look at our interactions. Every little coo, every turn of his head, ev...
Read more

Let’s talk Clefts

Image
Brendon and I know people who were born with cleft lips and/or palates, but I truly was in the dark about how and why it happens, how it affects a baby’s day-to-day life, and what surgeries look like. I want to provide education to others who, like us, were at a loss about clefts. A cleft lip is an opening or gap in the upper lip that can range from a small notch to a larger opening that extends into the nose. A cleft palate involves an opening in the roof of the mouth (the palate), which can affect the front (hard palate), the back (soft palate), or both. These conditions can vary in severity and may affect how a baby eats, speaks, and sometimes even breathes. Essentially, it’s a hole or a spot where the tissues didn’t fully join together during development. The hardest part of the diagnosis is that the exact cause isn’t always known. Sometimes it’s connected to a larger issue, like a chromosomal abnormality, but often it’s just an isolated defect. I’ve included an infographic that gi...
Read more