Peanut’s Smile

Tonight, I feel like I’m at a breaking point. Jack’s surgery went so well! His lip looks amazing, and his nose is so round and symmetrical. They originally estimated the procedure would take just over four hours, but it only took about three. We checked in at 7 AM, they took him back at 9 AM, and by 1 PM, we were finally reunited with our boy. The hardest part has been getting his pain under control. Coming off anesthesia was rough—he was in so much pain, and it felt like we spent the next six hours just trying to catch up. We’re hopeful that we’re finally ahead of it now. Fingers crossed. 🤞🏻 Eating has been a challenge, but he’s trying so hard. He’s only had two full bottles, but he’s taking little bits every few hours. You can tell it hurts, but he still wants to eat. We’ll take what we can get. As long as he stays hydrated, that’s all that matters right now. Since he had facial reconstruction, there are a lot of stitches in his favorite place—his mouth. My little guy loves to munc...

As I mentioned in a past entry, Peanut will have at least three surgeries. The first one happens at just four months old, and we’re now in the final weeks leading up to it. I’m so excited for him to get the help he needs and to grow into his new smile.   What I wasn’t prepared for is the mourning of his “old” smile. His first smile—the one I’ve memorized and cherished—will forever be changed. With reconstructive surgery, his lip shape, his nose shape, and everything about his smile will be different. I know this is what’s best for him, but I can’t help feeling sad to lose that first little smile. I just keep reminding myself how lucky we are—we get to fall in love with two different smiles when most families only get one.   This surgery will take about four hours. He’ll be under general anesthesia, and he’ll also get tubes placed in his ears to help drain fluid and hopefully improve his hearing. The surgeons will bring his lip muscle and tissue together, shaping and aligning h...

Did you know that most babies with a cleft palate struggle with hearing loss? The hole in the palate allows fluid to ebb and flow in and out of the ear, causing them to hear muffled sounds. That’s something I didn’t know could happen because of a cleft. It’s so interesting how a cleft diagnosis can affect so much—who would have thought it could lead to hearing loss? I’m sure somebody knew that, but I sure didn’t.   Peanut will have tubes placed in his ears at four months to help clear the fluid and, hopefully, improve his hearing. It’s strange to think that he may not have truly heard me talk, or that all the times we’ve been loud to help him adjust to sounds could have been for nothing. But at the same time, he could be hearing us—he could be responding to our voices, not just our movements and expressions. There’s just no real way to know. It’s mind-blowing.   This realization has really changed the way I look at our interactions. Every little coo, every turn of his head, ev...