Peanut’s Smile

As I mentioned in a past entry, Peanut will have at least three surgeries. The first one happens at just four months old, and we’re now in the final weeks leading up to it. I’m so excited for him to get the help he needs and to grow into his new smile.   What I wasn’t prepared for is the mourning of his “old” smile. His first smile—the one I’ve memorized and cherished—will forever be changed. With reconstructive surgery, his lip shape, his nose shape, and everything about his smile will be different. I know this is what’s best for him, but I can’t help feeling sad to lose that first little smile. I just keep reminding myself how lucky we are—we get to fall in love with two different smiles when most families only get one.   This surgery will take about four hours. He’ll be under general anesthesia, and he’ll also get tubes placed in his ears to help drain fluid and hopefully improve his hearing. The surgeons will bring his lip muscle and tissue together, shaping and aligning h...

Did you know that most babies with a cleft palate struggle with hearing loss? The hole in the palate allows fluid to ebb and flow in and out of the ear, causing them to hear muffled sounds. That’s something I didn’t know could happen because of a cleft. It’s so interesting how a cleft diagnosis can affect so much—who would have thought it could lead to hearing loss? I’m sure somebody knew that, but I sure didn’t.   Peanut will have tubes placed in his ears at four months to help clear the fluid and, hopefully, improve his hearing. It’s strange to think that he may not have truly heard me talk, or that all the times we’ve been loud to help him adjust to sounds could have been for nothing. But at the same time, he could be hearing us—he could be responding to our voices, not just our movements and expressions. There’s just no real way to know. It’s mind-blowing.   This realization has really changed the way I look at our interactions. Every little coo, every turn of his head, ev...

Every Smile Has a Story: The Heart Behind Our Shirt When our son was born with a cleft lip, we knew his smile was something truly special. As we prepare for his surgery on March 5, we wanted to create something meaningful—not just for us, but for anyone who has been touched by the cleft community.   That’s how these shirts came to life. They’re more than just fabric and ink; they represent resilience, love, and the unique journey behind every smile. The design features a simple smiley face with a small stitched line on the right side—just like our little one’s. Around it, the words "Peanut’s Smile" serve as a reminder of the strength behind every child’s journey. On the back, the phrase “Every Smile Has a Story" speaks to the beautiful diversity of smiles in the world.   These shirts are a way for our family and friends to show support as we navigate this chapter, and they also serve as a way to raise awareness for cleft-affected families. If you’d like to be part of thi...

We started seeing our specialist at Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) every six weeks starting in August until “Peanut” was born. They performed growth scans to monitor his cleft lip and tried to confirm if his palate was affected, but they never could because of how the nasal cavities appeared on the ultrasounds. Hey, at least we got to see our little guy more often! Since they couldn’t confirm the palate, we prayed it would only be the lip, as that would mean just one, possibly two, surgeries—depending on whether his gum line was cleft as well. I was really hoping it was only the lip because I wanted to breastfeed more than anything. If the palate is affected, babies have a much harder time creating suction. Babies with cleft palates often burn more calories trying to feed than they actually get from the milk, so specialty bottles are a huge help. The specialist referred us to meet with a cleft team at Primary Children’s in Salt Lake to get more information and prepare us for what was to...

Peanut was born on Halloween 🎃! As a first-time mom, my biggest fear was not knowing I was in labor. I kept saying that my water *had* to break; otherwise, I’d wait too long and end up delivering in the car! My biggest goal was to have an unmedicated vaginal delivery.   My water broke on 10/30 at 5:10 PM. My mom quickly rushed me to the hospital, and my husband met us there. We spent almost 3.5 hours in triage before getting set up in labor and delivery. I wasn’t having any contractions, and the doctors gave me until 10 PM to start progressing on my own before starting pitocin. I wanted an unmedicated birth, which ideally wouldn’t include pitocin, but I trusted my provider to do what was best. If it was necessary, I was open to it.   For the next 1.5 hours, we walked, squatted, jogged, and curb-walked, trying to get labor to start. But nothing worked to kickstart things. At 10 PM, I started on pitocin, and IMMEDIATELY active labor began—it was exactly what I needed. From that...

On July 3rd, Brendon and I went to the anatomy scan, feeling excited to see our baby boy again. We had gotten a gender check four weeks prior and couldn’t wait to see “Peanut” once more. As we went through the ultrasound, everything seemed to look good—the heart was pumping, the lungs were developing, and he appeared to have ten fingers and toes. The thing about “Peanut” is that he loved to keep his hand in his face and stay turned toward the placenta. When he finally gave in and let us see his two eyes, nose, and mouth, the tech noticed his cleft. She said she couldn’t confirm for sure, but based on what she could see, she was pretty sure he had at least a cleft lip. We left that appointment in shock. I mean, nobody wants to hear that something is different with their baby. But we were thankful that his heart was working, there were no kidney issues, and he had no extra digits! The next step was heading to Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) to confirm whether it was a cleft. We waited a fe...